"The biggest obstacle we face when we're dealing with conflict isn't what we think it is. We usually think it's the 'other' sitting across from us at the table — a difficult individual, organization or nation. But I've found the biggest obstacle to getting what I want in any situation is even closer than that: It's me. It's us. It's on our side of the table.The problem lies with our natural human tendency to react - to act and speak without thinking, in ways that are contrary to what we want to achieve. As the old saying goes, 'When you are angry, you will make the best speech you will ever regret. Either we attack or avoid, which doesn't solve the problem, or we accommodate and give in.The secret is to do the opposite, which is where the metaphor of going to the balcony comes in. It means pausing and taking a step back from the situation. I counsel people to imagine themselves standing on a balcony overlooking a stage on which the conflict in question is taking place. The balcony is a place of calm, control and perspective. It's a place where you can see the bigger picture. Doing this work within ourselves is the key precondition for getting to yes for all involved."
Entretanto no WSJ li "How to Master the Art Of Respectful Disagreement":
"Prepare ahead
Set a goal. Do you want to explain how you feel, understand the other person's point of view, or solve a problem? "It's important to understand why you want to have the conversation in the first place,"
...
Actively listen
Stop waiting for someone to finish a sentence just so you can have your say. Don't interrupt. Really listen.
Summarize what the person said and ask if you heard it correctly. [Moi ici: Cuidado com a ilusão da comunicação]
...
Slow it down
If things get heated, take some deep breaths. Speak slower. Excuse yourself to grab a glass of water.
If you need a longer break, explain that the conversation isn't going the way you'd hoped and ask to continue it later.
...
Discuss next steps
Ask the other person how he or she wants to move forward. And remember, it's OK to agree to disagree.
If you learned something, say so. That's both validating and reassuring,
...
"The goal is not to 'win' the conversation, but to communicate important, if difficult, information in a way the other person can process and be heard themselves,""
Ao mesmo tempo, como segundo livro de leitura na mesinha de cabeceira (😬) tenho "Supercommunicators". Na parte inicial o autor apresenta um caso em que 12 jurados estão numa sala para decidir se um arguido é culpado ou criminoso. E sai de lá uma decisão não esperada. Faz-me lembrar o filme "12 Angry Men" na versão dos anos 50 e dos anos 90. Na versão dos anos 90 recordo o actor Tony Danza a querer despachar o veredicto porque tem um bilhete para uma jogatana de basebol(?) e não a quer perder. E o ponto é: que tipo de conversa quero ter e que tipo de conversa o outro quer ter, pode ter. O que tenho na minha cabeça versus o que o outro tem na sua cabeça como prioridade.
Entretanto, na semana passada, usei a citação que se segue em três empresas diferentes:
George Bernard Shaw disse: "“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place”."
A comunicação eficaz é a chave para a resolução de conflitos e para a execução bem-sucedida de qualquer projecto. Como mencionado por William Ury, é essencial reconhecer que o maior obstáculo muitas vezes somos nós mesmos e nossas reacções impulsivas. Devemos nos esforçar para "subir ao balcão", obter perspectiva e agir com calma e propósito. Técnicas como ouvir activamente, preparar-se antecipadamente e desacelerar a conversa podem transformar disputas em diálogos produtivos.
